Wednesday, September 30, 2009

This fucking Roman Polanski controversy

Okay, I'm totally sick of this right now, but I think I need to fully explain my thoughts on the Polanski matter, given that I'm now seen as a friend to child molesters on a couple of websites, because of my comments on the subject.

First off, yes, Polanski pled guilty to knowingly having sex with a 13-year-old girl. Yes, she gave excruciating testimony to the Grand Jury about what she described as a forced drugging and rape, which has recently been made public by The Smoking Gun.

As a result, lots of people who never heard anything about this before read the court material and FREAK OUT!!!1!!! On the internet!!!1!!!!!!

I remember this case from the 70s. It was a pretty big deal back then too. The difference is that back then most people thought that the mother knowingly put her in the situation, and was looking to cash out (which she did) and that this was something of a set up. People were a little suspicious of the fact that there was this grand accusation, then a plea from the family not to try the case, then a monetary settlement.

Of course, now, all of that is irrelevant because there can be no grey area where adolescents are concerned and he should be raped himself and blah, blah, blah.

My feeling is that, yeah, he's a creep, he's a bad dude, but he came to a settlement with the court and the family (42 days in jail and presumably a good deal of cash) and then the judge pulled the rug out from under him, preening for the media. 42 DAYS IN JAIL?!?! THAT'S IT? you say. Keep in mind that this sentence was a result of the family's wish to plea bargain, and Polanski's wish to move on. Polanski forfeited his right to try to prove his innocence in exchange for the promise of a light sentence. When the judge put the full sentence back on the table, engaging in what many consider to be judicial misconduct, Polanski fled.

Also, the victim is past it and wants it dropped, it was 30 fucking years ago, and for God's sake, whatever! Can we go back to talking about healthcare and global warming?

That is all.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

More about people who share my name

This post combines two major themes of this lonely blog: people who share one or both of my names and crazy, stupid shit Republicans do.

From Talking Points Memo (reblogged by The Awl), here is an edit of the lowlights of the "Birther" informercial, featuring Bill Keller (not that one). Are we related in some way? Will he be at this year's Keller convention.

The payoff: for only $30, he will send a fax for you to someone.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Fuck you haters

Oh, and by the way, "The One" just called Iran on its nuke program and pronounced it "nuclear". It's really easy. Think "new-clear". You "real Americans" had eight years of "nucular". If you voted for McCain (haven't heard that in a while, right?) it's supposed to taste like a shit taco.

Welcome to the world where leaders lead and things make sense. Go teabag somewhere, dipshits.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

MGMT's Children's Show Appearance

The weird thing is that they look about the same age as the average viewer of Nickelodeon's Yo Gabba Gabba! program.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Happy Celebrate Bisexuality Day!

Who knew?

Why can't the right do funny?

Here we go again: the right's latest attempt to do a Daily Show style fake news comedy show (anyone remember The 1/2 Hour News Hour?) is called "NewsBusters". It's just so awful, so mean-spirited/borderline racist and homophobic and so unfunny, that's it's tragic even by conservative comedy's low standards.

I did find myself laughing, though, at the over-compensating laugh/clap track that accompanies this series of stink bombs.

"All Pornography is Homosexual Pornography"

If you pay any attention to liberal chit chat, you are now familiar with Michael Schwartz' assertion at the Values Voter Summit that "All pornography is homosexual pornography."

As batshit as it sounds, I've actually been making this argument for some time. If you think about it, it's true:

If you're a guy watching hetero porn, your looking at another dude's wang.
If you're a girl watching hetero porn, your seeing chicks naked.
If you're a guy or girl watching gay male porn, well, you're gay/bi or you're watching gay porn.
If you're a guy or girl watching girl-on-girl porn, you're gay/bi or watching something gay.

Any which way, all pornography is homosexual pornography. Nothing wrong with that.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Gawker vs. Jesus smackdown!

Oh look! has a scathing piece on the depravity and debauchery of Gawker and how it is a threat to something.

via The Awl

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Meet the Bryans

So I was watching the U.S. Open Men's Doubles Tennis on TV yesterday (as one does) and I was struck by this team wearing the same exact outfit. I was then struck by the fact that they have the same last name (Bryan), which happens to be my first name. Then I realized that they are identical twins. Upon further investigation, I found out they share a house, car, a band, a bank account and have never spent a significant amount of time apart. Meet Bob and Mike Bryan, the #1 Men's Doubles Tennis team in the world.

Oh, and do visit their awesome website. I'm not sure if it's the music you can't turn off, their weird, homoerotic logo,
the fact that you can't right click on images for some reason, or their fan club "Bryan's Bunch" (shouldn't the apostrophe placement indicate it is actually my fan club?)

All of a sudden it's all about the Bryans. And their Bunch.

It Must Be Love.

Joe Wilson is Your Pre-Existing Condition

Can't these fucktard Republicans just sit and listen to the President for half an hour? No, they cannot. Particularly not Joe Wilson.