Thursday, February 19, 2009

In which we review what just happened here

Well it seems that Andrew Breitbart (the founder of the right wing blog Big Hollywood) and his band of goons have left me now, and I have to say it is not without some wistfulness on my part.

As you know, it all started with my now disputed recollection that Breitbart hung with a druggy crowd and was a bully in high school. This attracted the ire of Signore Breitbart and his crew of internet sycophants, leading to the most traffic I have ever had on this blog (!) and a whole lot of lawsuit threats/general right wing thuggery in the comments. All of those comments remain on this blog for all to see. The only one that I deleted throughout this whole thing was one that I wrote.

Let us now pause to review the lofty rhetoric that took place last week in the comments:

My personal favorite came from Annie Hamilton. Let me introduce her by quoting from her Blogger profile:

"After undergoing brain surgery everything about life changed for me, including the way I think. I've had to rethink, relearn and reprocess much information over the course of several years and I've learned that I'm not as liberal as I thought."

Okay, now come with the hate:

"So, back to the anonymous Pussy Obamatard - keep sucking down that koolaid, idiot. but don't think for a second that it makes your 'leader' an admirable person. 47 % of the country didn't vote for your New Muhammed. and your doofus Kenya born Black Jesus took the third biggest payout [blah blah blah]"

Annie, if you're out there, please come back and provide us more details about your brain surgery!

It turns out that I'm not the only one who is "anonymous" on the internet. From Anonymous #1:

"Stick to manual labor, bro. You do not belong in a thinking man's world. Your writing is pure emotionalism that speaks more of your embarassing lack of intellect than it does of your deep, grand insights. Seriously, see a shrink and leave all this hateful petty masterbation [sic] to your sad lonely private time with porn."

Plees leev my masterbation habuts out of this.

From Anonymous #2 (or more from Anonymous #1, we can't tell!), the first of many calls for the conservative, trial-lawyer-hating Breitbart to sue me:

"Wow glad I'm not you dude .. hope Andrew is a forgiving guy and doesn't ring his lawyer after that rant."

I'm kind of hoping he does.

From J.W., more lawsuit threats:

"I wish him and his lawyers well.
(Hey Annie- your comments were great- I couldn't even start to compete!)"

I wholeheartedly agree. Her comment was my favorite too! But our dear Annie is a humble sort:

"J.W., you did just fine! and there's plenty of us 'crazy' conservatives out here in southern california! some of us know how to say 'no' to koolaid!! I quit abusing chemicals a long time ago! lol...once you grow up, have a family and figure out that there is a 'world' beyond your 'hair' products and the day after tomorrow, you wake up quickly. that was...oh, twelve years ago?"

Annie, I am 'glad' that you are 'no longer' a drug addict and had brain surgery. It's all fixed now! But notice in the second paragraph the self-congratulatory "I work so hard and that's why I'm a conservative" bullshit we see in so many of the Breitbartian posts:

"truly don't understand the mentality of liberals - it's so self serving and hypocritical. If people focused more on working their asses off, focused on responsibility, accountability, traditional values and social compassion - none of it would even be a point."

But I like my ass. I'm not interested it "working [it] off". I would rather work less hard, rely on reasonable social programs and still have an ass.

But now Annie gets dark on me:

"you're an idiot. don't you have a freeway to play in?"

I'm sorry, but we mainly have parkways and turnpikes here.

I don't really understand whose side Anonymous #3 is on:

"Andrew is right about you. Your observational skills are sorely lacking.

He is NOT a bully. He is in fact a pathological narcissist, himself long victimized by left-leaning West-Los Angeles elitists who failed to enshrine him with the proper attention while he was growing up.

Once again, liberal tyranny has failed to see past itself."

Woah, you just blew my mind!

From Anonymous #4, the dark hat who supposedly tracked my IP address for some reason even though it would take about 5 minutes of reading my blog and following my various music links to figure out who I am. Good work!:

"Who needs a lawyer when you have someone (like me) who is a geek- and can capture IP addresses and find out who idiots are?
I love my work!

Thanks Nic Fic- have a joke, smoke and a TOKE-
And expect a knock on the door shortly.
You cannot think the internet will let you get away with this- there are laws.
And YOU have been caught!"

There are laws. I'm just not sure which one I have been "caught" violating or who would bother knocking on my door.

Anonymous #5 is advocating caution:

"Question for anonymous lawyer guy: Is it cool for ol' Andy to sick his followers on this person the way he has? Might that be considered bullying? I mean, we're spending 100 large to on that stupid Matt Damon dare. Andy's rich, even though he was adopted, but legal costs kind of add up. Should we just stand down on this one and go back to thinking up names to call Obama?"

Answer: it's completely fine for ol' Andy to sick his followers on this person. This person kind of misses them. But yes, it is kind of bullying. Now what about this "100 large to on that stupid Matt Damon dare"? Please provide details.

But now Robot #5 has rebooted and is awaiting orders:

"I'll stand down now until Andy tells me what to do next."

You do that.

Anonymous #6 wants to "prosecute":

"Probably should take the page down- from what I have read.
What a jerk!
I am sure that Breitbart has all he needs to prosecute."

Hey, don't bother. One of those Obamatard liberal prosecutors would probably just plea bargain down to probation.

At this point the commenters turn on each other and start recommending various cleanse therapies and colonics because they are so full of shit. I agree.

Thank you everyone. This has been fun.

-Bryan (aka Nic Fit)

Full comments


Anonymous said...


Here are some of the gloating highlights from Andrew's Facebook page, in which he justifies the time and manner in which he handled this whole highly entertaining affair (for the record, I miss them too). Note the hilarious posting by Andrew about gaining "closure."

POSTED MONDAY MORNING: Andrew gets his apology. Sorta. Please, don't up the ante. I consider it over.

-- Lori Johnson Stertz at 9:46am February 17
Vindication! Anyway, you are on the side of right, dear sir.

-- Jamie Delton at 10:04am February 17
Andrew you accomplished a lot. You should be proud of the website. Were on your side!

Andrew Breitbart at 10:13am February 17
I'm glad it's over (hopefully.) Just thought this was the third act and needed to show the quasi-closure. I don't obsess on this kind of stuff usually. But when it comes from a former high school friend who I haven't seen in two decades, it's hard to ignore. And I wouldn't have figured his identity of I hadn't gotten my Facebook friends to sleuth it out.

-- Katie O'Malley at 10:13am February 17
I am glad you posted it though Andrew....I think it is a reaction that many of us have experienced...lord knows I have from college and high school friends....I don't act freaked out that they are what they are.....why can't they let me be me without the dramatics and name calling?

-- Michael Oates Palmer at 10:15am February 17
I like that you got a good Plimsouls reference in there. Peter Case still releases good records. Check out "Every 24 Hours" off iTunes.

-- Andrew Breitbart at 10:16am February 17
I was more proud of the Deborah Foreman reference. But thanks. I envision Case at McCabe's right now.

-- Rob Stevely at 10:17am February 17
Reminds me of Olbermann's fixation with OReilly. Create a fued with someone more accomplised in the hopes it furthers thier career, its kind of pathetic.

-- Michael Oates Palmer at 10:17am February 17
He also TEACHES there. No joke.

-- Rachel Carter Goss at 10:31am February 17
interesting - i have missed all of this - thought provoking psychological interaction - glad i am a friend of a voice of reason

-- Elizabeth Colombo at 11:01am February 17
As a woman with a B.A. in Film, Television & Theatre who is currently a conservative lawyer, I liked the Rent reference...he he...very clever! And, nice to "meet" you, Andrew! Glad your sopapilla saga ended well!! ;o)

-- Derek S Broes at 11:06am February 17
Who is anonymous?

-- Andrew Breitbart at 11:09am February 17
Derek, a very courageous Internaut with fantastical arguments. EDITOR'S NOTE: ANY TIME, ANY SUBJECT, ANDY.

-- Karyn Herman-Bruck at 11:22am February 17
Andrew, you said: "I would have been open to a call to discuss my political transformation. (I think it's a tale worthy of a book!)"

I couldn't agree more!

If the Big O can write (or at least vote present to the writing of) TWO autobiographies, I certainly think that it's high time you at least wrote about your political transformation.

I'd buy it in a heartbeat.

-- Sissy Hall at 4:17pm February 17
NicName got lost in the sarchasm*

(*the gulf between the author

-- Stephanie Janiczek at 5:15pm February 17
You did well Andrew.

-- John Mark at 6:27pm February 17
Yep, you could easily sense the sorta. Anyways, so you delivered pizza while I delivered Chinese food and drove a cab in NYC to the lyrics of Harry Chapin's Taxi during college. No silver spoon here either :)

Nic Fit said...

Thank you, anonymous. I feel I have closure too. I don't have facebook, for good reason, so no ante-upping here.

But reviewing the comments here, I have this strange feeling that I was, um...bullied.

Whatever. Maybe Breitbart is right and I am the bully. Who cares. There's no winning these things.

Nic Fit said...

Also, Breitbart and Co., try to think of spellcheck as your old high school friend henceforth. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

There may not be any "winning," per se, but I do think calling frauds like Andrew what they are has value. These extreme-right media environments need to be challenged. None of those folks who are already denizens will necessarily change their views, but competing in this online realm will maybe at least keep the weeds from growing unfettered in the same way they did on A.M. radio over the last decade. I am sorry you had be so alone and so exposed in this endeavor. That couldn't have been pleasant. But I don't think this was an unnecessary fight to pick in the larger sense. Andrew makes a lot of money doing this. Conservatism as an ideology certainly has value, but the extreme version Andrew preaches isn't morally correct and it's not good for our culture. It's divisive, and we don't need divisive right now.

Nic Fit said...

You're right it is divisive, and that's why I eventually bowed out with my "caveat-laden" apology as Breitbart aptly put it. I didn't feel comfortable being a provocateur to an ever expanding legion of crazy people.

That said, talking to crazy people can be fun. As long as you know you can leave.

Anonymous said...

You are easily the most sane person in this whole vastly entertaining mess. Besides wasting a whole lot of valuable time tracking this, I regret trying to egg you on -- that was silly, and I'm glad you chose the high road you did. But I gotta say, interesting high school experience. There's book material there for you.